How to Write a Meaningful Condolence Message

By: VGFS
Sunday, December 15, 2019

When someone you know is grieving, it can be difficult to know exactly what to say to them. You may be afraid of writing too much or too little or getting your messaging wrong altogether.

The truth is, there isn’t one perfect way to write a sympathy message.

Letting someone know that you are thinking about them during their time of sorrow is an extremely meaningful gesture. If you need some structure prior to writing your words of condolence, consider the guidelines below.

Try to embrace your discomfort. 

Hem and haw over writing the “perfect” message and you risk never writing or sending your condolence letter at all. Don’t allow feeling uncomfortable to keep you from sharing your heartfelt sympathies with those you care about! When you sit down to compose your note, it can help to acknowledge the situation. You might even include the phrase, “I’m at a loss for words” or “I don’t know how to say this but I want to write and let you know I’m thinking of you.” Writing these words can help you to overcome your uneasiness over what to say. Remember that the loss is also new to the person who is grieving. There may not be specific words that they need to hear, rather knowing that others care about them in their time of sorrow might mean the world to them.

Include the names of each of the bereaved. 

When you’re sending a sympathy card or a condolence letter, make an effort to include the names of each person in the household. Doing so acknowledges the individual sorrow of each person. If you’re writing a note to a co-worker and are unsure of their spouse’s or children’s names, it’s OK to refer to them as “and family.” 

  • Dear Michael, Sheena, and Michael Jr., 
  • Dear Michael and family,

Include the name of the deceased. 

Seeing a loved one’s name in writing after they have passed on can be very healing for the bereaved. This little touch can make your gesture even more meaningful. If you’re unsure of the deceased’s name, you can always look for an obituary, contact the funeral home, or ask a mutual acquaintance. 

  • I was filled with sadness upon hearing about Roberta’s accident. 
  • Your mother, Roberta, was a special person.  
  • We were so sorry to hear about your mother Roberta’s passing. We know how much she meant to you.

Let them know that you share in their grief.  

Coping with the death of a loved one can sometimes cause the bereaved to feel isolated in their grief. Acknowledging and sharing in their sorrow can help them to feel less alone.

  • We’re going to miss her, too.  
  • This loss is felt by the entire congregation. 

Include any loving memories that you may have about the deceased. 

Sharing a story or mentioning a special quality about deceased can be very meaningful to their surviving friends and family members. Think back on any encounters that you have had with them, no matter how brief.

  • I’ll never forget hearing Roberta’s beautiful voice during the   Christmas pageant. 
  • She was a wonderful woman and a talented pianist.

If you didn’t know the deceased well, you can still make it personal.

  • I will always remember Roberta’s warm smile and infectious laugh from when I met her at your wedding. 
  • While I never got to meet your mother, I will always cherish the stories that you told me about her.

If possible, deliver the note in person or put it in the mail within two weeks. 

Funeral etiquette dictates that it's OK to bring a card to a repast or homegoing. If you’re planning to mail your condolence letter, it's best to send it within two weeks of the person’s passing. If you do not make it within this timeframe, don’t fret. It’s never too late to express your heartfelt feelings of sympathy. The recipient will appreciate knowing that they’re being thought of and your card may come at a time when they need it most. 

Finally, if you are sending a pre-written sympathy card, include a handwritten note. 

Hallmark and the like are skilled at providing wording when you don’t know what to say. Yet, it’s always nice to include a handwritten note inside of the card. Your note doesn’t need to be super lengthy or detailed. A thoughtful message can be brief.

  • We’ll never forget your mother and are wishing you peace. With love and sympathy, The Smiths

We hope these guidelines are helpful to you. 

Overall, remember that your condolence letter or sympathy note doesn’t need to be perfect to have meaning.  The best messages are those that come from the heart. 

If you need additional pointers regarding funeral etiquette, how to write an obituary, or when to express your condolences, please reach out to us. Our caring team is always happy to assist. 

About Vaughn Greene Funeral Services: For more than 20 years, Vaughn Greene Funeral Services has been providing a ministry of care to Baltimore’s African American community. As a leading local, minority- and family-owned provider, we promise to provide our highest level of service and respect to families who entrust us to honor their loved one. For more information, please call us at 410.655.0015 or visit us online at https://vaughncgreene.com/. 

Leave a comment
Name*:
Email:
Comment*:
Please enter the numbers and letters you see in the image. Note that the case of the letters entered matters.

Comments

Please wait

Previous Posts

How Much Do You Really Know About Cold and Flu Season?

The chill of winter is in the air, and that means the cold and flu season can’t be far behind. You may think you're savvy about avoiding seasonal illnesses, but how much do you really know about h...

Funeral Food Fusion: Seven Tips for Combining Comfort and Culture

Through the act of breaking bread together, funeral food becomes a symbol of shared grief and strength. Amid loss, food is often used as a way to connect with one another, express sympathy, and he...

Military Funeral Traditions: Seven Ways to Remember America's Heroes on Veterans’ Day

Veterans’ Day presents an opportunity to express gratitude for those who have selflessly served in the United States armed forces. To ensure that the memory of these heroes lives on, it's fitting ...

The Best and Worst Sources of Protein, According to Nutritional Experts

From plant-based to animal-derived, sources of protein range from exceptional to the less-than-ideal. In the world of nutrition, protein is an undisputed superhero. It is essential for building mu...

Coping With Grief After Sudden Loss? Here are Seven Important Things to Know

Grief can engulf us when we least expect it, especially after the sudden loss of a loved one. This kind of grief is uniquely intense, plunging us into a confusing world where everything feels unfa...

Plan a Memorable Final Farewell with these Smart Fall Funeral Considerations

Surrounded by autumn's beauty and serenity, fall funeral planning offers special solace to the grieving. With its vibrant leaves and crisp air, autumn brings a sense of comfort, reflection, and no...

Experts Say These Eight Things Can Reduce High Cholesterol Levels

High cholesterol is a common health concern, but the good news is that there are ways to tackle it naturally. Heart disease continues to be a leading cause of death worldwide, and maintaining heal...

Returning to Work After a Loved One Passes: Eight Helpful Coping Strategies

When you are returning to work after a loved one passes away, it can be an emotional journey filled with uncertainty. If the prospect of heading back to your workplace after loss feels overwhelmin...

How Should You Choose the Day and Time of the Funeral?

When bidding farewell to a cherished family member or friend, one of the most significant decisions you’ll face is selecting the appropriate day and time of the funeral. Amid the emotional challen...

Celebrating National Alcohol & Drug Recovery Month

This September we celebrate National Alcohol & Drug Addiction Recovery Month. Starting in 1989, National Recovery Month was coined to promote and support evidence-based treatment and recovery...