Grieving the Loss of a Parent

By: Vaughn Greene Funeral Services
Sunday, February 4, 2018

When a parent dies, we’re supposed to be prepared for this normal life passage. Or, at least be ready to accept it when it happens.

We’re expected to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move on. However, just because the death of a parent is commonplace and is the natural order of things, it doesn’t mean we can or should be expected to simply and quickly bounce back. When a parent dies, it can be unexpectedly devastating and can cause considerable upheaval in our lives. As adults, we are often surprised at the emotions which can threaten to overwhelm us following the death of our mother or father. After all, we reason, it’s in the natural order of things that we will one day bury our parents. Why then the immense pain, the sense of confusion, the feeling of having been abandoned? This may be because, buried in our subconscious, is the belief that our parents are immortal.


Grief is exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally. If you have recently lost your mother or father, be especially kind to yourself. These pointers can help you work through your sense of loss:


Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Well-intentioned people may try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your parent’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point so it’s best to let it happen naturally.


Don't put a time limit on your grief or question your personal process. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process. The wound of losing a parent never fully heals, but the pain does get more bearable over time. How long it should take? No one can say. For some, it’s weeks; for others it may be months or even years before the grief subsides.
Allow yourself to have bad days. Even long after your parent has passed, you will have days when you miss him or her dearly.  Let yourself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been.


Find your comfort and peace. People find solace in different things. For some, taking a walk in nature helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not what you do, but that you do something for you. There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you, as well. Find whatever works for you and don’t let anyone diminish the importance of those moments.


When you’re ready, forge ahead and live your life. At some point after your loved one’s death, you will find reasons to smile again. This is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our parents and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like they would want you to. And remember: after they are gone, your parents will continue to be a part of your life, just in a different sense. You will always be their son or daughter.


On those days when you just miss your mother or father, don't fight it. And if you feel the need, seek out support from others who’ve been there—a friend who cares, a clergy person, or a professional who can help guide you through the work of grief. When a parent dies, yes, it is the natural order of things.  But taking time to grieve for them should be, as well.

Leave a comment
Name*:
Email:
Comment*:
Please enter the numbers and letters you see in the image. Note that the case of the letters entered matters.

Comments

Please wait

Previous Posts

Saying Goodbye: Six Things to Know and Do When a Loved One is Passing Away

Saying goodbye to a loved one passing away is undeniably hard, but your reassurance can help you both find peace. While final farewells are never easy, there are things you can do to ease the pain...

What Should You Do with Your Departed Loved One's Belongings?

When you are bereaved, sorting through your loved one’s belongings can be especially challenging. Losing a beloved family member or friend is one of life’s most difficult trials. There are many de...

Mental Health Stigma in the Black Community, How Far Have We Come?

The US Department of Health & Human Services reports that African American adults are 20 percent more likely to report serious mental health distress than their white adult counterparts. Wit...

It’s Stroke Awareness Month. Here are Seven Important Facts Everyone Should Know.

May is National Stroke Awareness Month, so it’s the perfect time to learn about this leading cause of death and disability in America. Strokes or brain attacks are quite common, affecting an estim...

Can’t Sleep at Night? Here are Seven Surprising Reasons Why

When you can’t sleep, everything feels like a struggle. If your slumber is lacking, the reasons behind it might surprise you. Sleep deprivation can cause a range of problems, ranging from mild irr...

Senior Home Safety: Seven Essential Things to Know

Today, one in six Americans is age 65 or older. By the year 2050, the U.S. senior population is expected to rise from 48 million to an astonishing 88 million. Worldwide, those aged 80 and above are...

Seasonal Depression, also known as Winter Blues: Is it Just Depression?

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a form of depression also known as seasonal depression or winter depression.   People with SAD experience mood changes and symptoms similar to depressi...

Six Inspiring Outdoor Memorial Ideas to Honor Your Departed Loved One

From simple stones to elaborate gardens, there is no shortage of meaningful outdoor memorial ideas to pay tribute to a loved one who has passed on. When you’re deeply grieved, finding a unique way...

How Much Do You Know About Multiple Sclerosis? Seven Important Facts About this Neurological Disease

March is Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month. Learn about the neurological disease that affects one person every hour in the U.S. A neurological disease that disrupts the flow of information betwee...

Legally Scattering Ashes: Keep These Six Important Facts in Mind

Legally scattering ashes isn’t complicated but it does require some research and planning. The scattering of a loved one’s ashes can bring peace and closure to surviving family members. For many, ...